Unbelievable. My head hurts from thinking about it. My neck is getting tight and my back is starting to ache. Perhaps I should go get a massage. Even better, if I’m a teacher in these parts of California, my health insurance will cover the massage! Hey, it covers 4 per month! Wow! Those things aren’t cheap you know. 

I wonder what else the California tax payer covers on my behalf? Too bad most of them can’t afford to pay for their own health insurance, this is really good stuff.

Oh look, gastric bypass is covered. It doesn’t even have to be deemed medically necessary! Well, three of my friends just had that procedure done. Said it was a cinch.

Oh, but just last week they decided to take this out of our health plan in order to tighten up the budget. Wow, what a bunch of tight wads. I wonder what other goodies are in here.

My patience is getting thinner than an Olsen twin. I’m tired of dealing with call centers in India outsourced by American companies such as my internet service provider, my financial software, even my flipping credit report! It’s not that I can’t understand their English. It’s not easy, but I can get through it. It’s the scripts they are forced to read when dealing with me. It takes then FOREVER to diagnose my issue, much less offer a viable solution. In some cases lately, with a particularly expensive piece of software, I got my money back (which will be more than my state government will do for me this tax season).

Friggin’ penny pinching misers in San Francisco and Seattle can slobber over a pretentious $4.00 cup of coffee, send money to OTHER countries to fight disease or hunger, but they can’t invest a penny into a decent customer service approach. I should bill them for the time wasted and money I had to put in the “cuss jar” for the colorful language I used between each call. Though I must admit some of my slang and slander required a bit of creativity I didn’t know I possessed. Anyway, not a good sign for American companies supposedly founded on innovation. They are outsourcing their common sense. Their innovation now seems to focus on finding new and unusual ways to screw me after the sale. The arrogance in doing this to their loyal customers is almost a thing of beauty.

“Welcome to (company name here) customer service. Please bend over, bite down on something semi-soft, and press 1 to begin.” I can almost hear the virtual snapping of latex gloves.

The American companies investing less in customer service by adopting this tactic are already losing my business. I’d name names but their lawyers are saber toothed tigers that troll blogs looking for their next meal. I have switched to several Canadian companies for services and software which will remain unnamed. Suffice it to say I find Nova Scotian call centers MUCH more polite, agile in the thinking department, and actually helpful. It’s not unpatriotic of me to do this. My business clients demand performance, and I can’t give them their money’s worth if the weakest link is two 900lb. software guerrillas that are trying to rip off the arm that feeds them.